tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27494037297275001352024-03-07T23:04:14.208-08:00The Edge of SanityUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger153125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-42960078504080051322008-11-29T00:58:00.000-08:002008-11-29T01:04:42.574-08:00Soul Calibur IV Review<p class="MsoNormal">Platform: Xbox 360</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> <a href="http://s74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/?action=view&current=NightmareSC4.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/NightmareSC4.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" /></a></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">A tale of souls and swords, eternally retold . . . with progressively skimpier outfits, heftier amounts of exposition, and cheesier commentary.<span style=""> </span>You all remember Soul Calibur II (or Soul Calibur for you old school folks), right?<span style=""> </span>Now those were some damn fun games.<span style=""> </span>You also remember Soul Calibur III, right?<span style=""> </span>Well, I do, and I have a bone to pick with that turd (though not today).<span style=""> </span>Using these two games for comparison points, it’s safe to say that SC4 is more fun that getting raped with a jackhammer, but less fun than being on the other end of said jackhammer.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I certainly hope that an explanation of what a fighting game is would be unnecessarily to anyone reading this.<span style=""> </span>Why did I just say that?<span style=""> </span>I’m not sure, actually.<span style=""> </span>It’s not like I’d explain it even if it was necessary.<span style=""> </span>Regardless, I’ll at least say how Soul Calibur is different from other fighting games.<span style=""> </span>Unlike in, say, Marvel vs. Capcom, you don’t jump around like a lunatic and press 30-something button combos to whip out a laser cannon the size of <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Belgium</st1:place></st1:country-region>.<span style=""> </span>Instead, you can encircle your opponent strictly on the horizontal plane, and your attacks actually take off portions of your opponent’s health bar in increments larger than nanometers.<span style=""> </span>That said, like in most fighting games, button mashing will get you pretty far in Soul Calibur IV, so odds are that unless you spend weeks memorizing the move list instead of studying for your finals, the little 13 year-old shit spamming Kilik’s long-range attacks will have just as much of a chance of winning as you do.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Who’s Kilik, you ask?<span style=""> </span>Well, answering that question would involve delving into the plot, something that I’d rather not do.<span style=""> </span>Besides, it’s not that important.<span style=""> </span>There are two swords: a good one made of crystal and wielded by a pretty boy knight and a bad one made of flesh with a giant eyeball in the middle that’s wielded by a crazy, demonic suit of living armor.<span style=""> </span>Shit happens, people find excuses to get involved, and they proceed to beat the shit out of each other.<span style=""> </span>There, are you satisfied?<span style=""> </span>I’m not gonna go into detail on the characters because I frankly don’t give a damn about them, and neither should you.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">The game throws the usual array of modes at you: story, arcade, online vs, and a special mode, among others.<span style=""> </span>The throwaway special mode for this game is called the Tower of Lost Souls, but more on that later.<span style=""> </span>The only thing special about the arcade mode is an inevitable battle against the Apprentice from that horrible Force Unleashed game.<span style=""> </span>Regardless, he is one cheap motherfucker.<span style=""> </span>Really now, there’s not much you can do when your opponent shoots lightning from his fingertips aside from rolling over and dying.<span style=""> </span>On a different note, it seems as though the creators learned their lesson from Soul Calibur III and decided not to shoehorn in a stupid pseudo-RTS mode.<span style=""> </span>Unfortunately, they took a page from Soul Calibur II’s Weapon Master mode instead, pitting you in combat against ridiculously powerful enemies with equally ridiculous conditions for unlocking shit, so if you want those cat ears, you’re gonna have to fight Nightmare on steroids.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">My last paragraph was getting a bit long, so I’m going to make a new one even though there’s no big change in topic.<span style=""> </span>If you’re a stickler about this sort of thing, you can suck my metaphorical balls.<span style=""> </span>Moving on to SC4’s online mode, I can say that, at the very least, it works.<span style=""> </span>To put it bluntly, I fucking hate the interface.<span style=""> </span>It’s a bare-bones set of menus that offers very little in the way of details or options.<span style=""> </span>You can search for a game automatically, which will almost always fail since the system looks around for roughly five seconds before it throws its hands up and claims there aren’t any open games.<span style=""> </span>Well, a peak into manual matchmaking always proves that there are, in fact, many open games.<span style=""> </span>Thus, you shouldn’t trust the computer because it tells filthy lies.<span style=""> </span>Even more annoying is how the game deals with lag.<span style=""> </span>Matches can only go as fast as the slowest player, so if you end up playing some kid in <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Uzbekistan</st1:place></st1:country-region> on an AOL trial, it’s curtains for you.<span style=""> </span>Therefore, I’d recommend playing online only if you plan to fight your friends or you’re one of those million or so bastards that want to show off that “totally original” Ichigo Kurosaki they made in character creation.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Speaking of which, character creation from Soul Calibur III makes a comeback, and there’s a fairly diverse selection of clothing, weapons, hairstyles, etc.<span style=""> </span>Unfortunately, using this mode to create characters for the <st1:place st="on"><st1:placetype st="on">Tower</st1:PlaceType> of <st1:placename st="on">Lost Souls</st1:PlaceName></st1:place> mode is an exercise in frustration and monotony.<span style=""> </span>Each item has stats associated with it, including those that alter your damage, health, defense, and whatnot.<span style=""> </span>The problem with trying to maximize your stats is twofold.<span style=""> </span>For one, there’s no way to organize items by their attributes, forcing you to wade through the default list.<span style=""> </span>Secondly, the game lags like hell every time you equip or unequip an item.<span style=""> </span>A different problem stems from the fact that everything is really fucking expensive.<span style=""> </span>Seriously, since when do cat ears cost 10,000 gold?<span style=""> </span>God damn inflation.<span style=""> </span>By the way, if you’re going to make a character, for Christ’s sake, don’t take Zasalamel’s style, slap on a bunch of black armor with skulls on it, and name your dude “Death”.<span style=""> </span>It’s not cool, it’s gay.<span style=""> </span>Really gay. <span style=""> </span>Millions of Linkin Park-listening emo fucktarts had the same idea, and they’re not rockin’ either.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I know it’s been fun folks, but this long-overdue review must come to a close.<span style=""> </span>Before that, however, I’d like to say one last thing: Soul Calibur IV isn’t a bad game by any stretch.<span style=""> </span>At the same time, it is also supremely unrefined, which prevents it from reaching greatness.<span style=""> </span>Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to building a team of lizardmen dressed as the Village People.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Rating: 3/5</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">PS: Next up is Fable II.<span style=""> </span>Hopefully, it’ll still be relevant by the time I finish the review.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-6445515411546616662008-10-05T14:02:00.000-07:002008-10-05T14:03:30.050-07:00Youtube and I: Big Bill Hell's<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4sZuN0xXWLc&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4sZuN0xXWLc&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-48219841180529645552008-09-24T20:37:00.001-07:002008-09-24T21:08:30.384-07:00Mysterious Adventures in Fandom.It has been a while internet, and it is good to be back. I have been thinking about anime, japan, and the fandom scene as a whole recently. It seems that there are a few types of fans out there that I have observed. The first type is the typical anime fan, the kind that, after one look, you cant tell there is at least a 50% chance they like anime. The kind of people that flaunt their hobby because it is fairly unique. This category also includes the Japanophiles and weaboos, who would gladly trade their white skin for yellow. <br /><br />Next is the closet fan. We have all seen them, the people who look totally out of place at a con, or the people that see you reading manga and whisper to you that it is a good one once they have made sure no one is looking. Because us fans are weird right? They look like everyone else but feel the need to hide their interests in order to fit in.<br /><br />Third, the group that I fit into. I like Anime, very few of my friends do, because I don't feel my friends need all the same hobbies as me. At the same time i do not hide that i like japan, and everything about it. I don't dedicate my life to it but i treat it as one of my favorite hobbies and interests. Hoping to one day go to Japan but not set all my goals toward that. <br /><br />That may seem like a pretty shallow analysis of fans, and I am sure there are hundreds of sub-groups in there, but this is what I see. <br /><br />What brought me to this train of thought was my recent trips to my high schools Japan Club, or as it really is "people who mainly just like anime" club. I see all of these types of people in there. It is actually kind of cool to see some closet fans talk to some super pumped up mega fans. It turns out that a lot of us knew each other but didn't even know we all liked anime. Anyways........ that is it i guess..Malachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522026029769568116noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-13734816410541656452008-09-16T14:54:00.000-07:002008-09-16T14:56:53.122-07:00Crackdown Review<p class="MsoNormal">Platform: Xbox 360</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> <a href="http://s74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/?action=view&current=Crackdown.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/Crackdown.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" /></a></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Once upon a time, the cops screwed up so badly that gangsters managed to take over the world.<span style=""> </span>The government then concentrated all its resources in a single city to prepare for a counterattack.<span style=""> </span>As a part of this, they also began to make super soldiers.<span style=""> </span>The sheer ridiculousness of this plot aside, you essentially play as a superpowered assassin.<span style=""> </span>Don’t think of this as <i style="">Assassin’s Creed</i>, though, because this game forces you to be about as subtle as a howitzer.<span style=""> </span>Then again, Creed wasn’t very good at that either.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">The whole point of <i style="">Crackdown</i> is to kill all the leaders of the three gangs: Los Muertos (Mexicans), the Volk (Eastern Europeans), and the Shia Gen (Asians).<span style=""> </span>While most of your victims make sense (they provide supplies, manpower, or information), some of them are just bizarre.<span style=""> </span>For instance, one of the Los Muertos leaders supes up cars.<span style=""> </span>Uhh . . . okay.<span style=""> </span>That’s fucking dangerous.<span style=""> </span>Luckily, these guys hide in <b style="">very</b> discreet places like oil rigs, the only skyscraper with a door, and the gym, so you don’t have to look long.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Control-wise, the commands are assigned to good positions, but the effects of pressing the buttons aren’t so sensible.<span style=""> </span>For instance, pressing the melee attack button will make you kick, but you can’t control said kick for shit.<span style=""> </span>Instead, you’ll probably miss by a mile, look like a ballerina in doing so, and either fall off a ledge to your horrible demise or get blown to smithereens by a grenade or four.<span style=""> </span>Also, as the game progresses, you are able to jump higher and higher.<span style=""> </span>Unfortunately, the controls lack sensitivity to the point that your choices are either to tap the jump button to hop like a morbidly obese ten year old playing basketball or to mash that fucker down and launch into orbit.<span style=""> </span>Further complicating matters is the level design.<span style=""> </span>As buildings get taller and taller, they become progressively more deformed, making them ridiculously difficult to climb.<span style=""> </span>You’ll often find yourself slamming into an extended ledge or being stranded on the side of a building because the architect was on crack and decided to model it after one of Picasso’s faces, </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Fortunately, there are ways to play such that you can avoid platforming.<span style=""> </span>It’s called walking, and it’s a great way to get shot in <i style="">Crackdown</i>.<span style=""> </span>Regardless, what you can’t avoid are gang showdowns.<span style=""> </span>After you spend an hour or two pretending you’re Spiderman, you’ll probably stumble upon a gang hideout.<span style=""> </span>At this point, your options are to either break down the front door and kill everything in sight or sneak in through the back door and kill everything in sight.<span style=""> </span>Early on, this is simple enough since all you’re up against are a bunch of pea shooters and the occasional grenade.<span style=""> </span>Things escalate, however, to the point that every schmuck with two hands touts 800 round machine guns, heat seekers, or cluster grenades.<span style=""> </span>Combined with the fact that whenever you get blown up, you enter ragdoll physics mode and flop about helplessly for an eternity, you’ll often find yourself flying off rooftops while on fire and unable to do a damn thing about it.<span style=""> </span>Hell, if you’re really unlucky, the enemies will chain heat seekers to juggle you in the air.<span style=""> </span>Also, where the fuck is your backup?<span style=""> </span>There’s a damn cop car on every street and the lazy bastards can’t stop by to lend you a hand?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">On a quick note, one of the major features of the game is the ability to boost your skills.<span style=""> </span>As the voiceover guy says, “Skills for kills, agent.<span style=""> </span>Skills for kills.”<span style=""> </span>I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that none of those s’s are z’s.<span style=""> </span>For instance, as you kill more people with grenades, your explosives skill goes up, which makes your explosions a tad larger.<span style=""> </span>When maxed out, you can annihilate entire intersections with a single rocket, which is pretty damn cool.<span style=""> </span>On a less cool note, you can become a better driver by running enemies over.<span style=""> </span>Yeah . . . good luck with that.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Let me get this out of the way: <i style="">Crackdown</i> is a damn fun game to fuck around in.<span style=""> </span>To that end, all you have to do is download the Keys to the City pack to have access to a slew of cheats.<span style=""> </span>When your car is invincible and goes 200+ mph, there’s no way you can’t have fun, unless you’re completely dull, in which case you can go play Too Human and tell yourself everything’s all right.<span style=""> </span>All that aside, this is one frustrating son of a bitch to play seriously.<span style=""> </span>Climbing poorly designed apartments and serving as little more than a volleyball for a bunch of trigger-happy gangsters to spike with rockets isn’t my idea of a fun time.<span style=""> </span>Look elsewhere if you’re one of those obsessive perfectionist types that only live for plot and collectibles.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Rating: 3/5</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-26662729890497771342008-09-01T00:28:00.000-07:002008-09-01T00:35:48.599-07:00Too Human ReviewPlatform: Xbox 360 <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> <a href="http://s74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/?action=view&current=too-human-large-1.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/too-human-large-1.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" /></a></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><i style="">Too Human</i> is the story of mankind’s struggle to maintain its identity in a world where the cruel, unforgiving, endless winter and the constant threat of death drive many to abandon their humanity in favor of cybernetic enhancements to the point where they become more machine than man.<span style=""> </span>It represents the ever-present dilemma humankind faces as technology becomes progressively more involved in every facet of our existence in the guise of a simple video game, and provides a deep and thoughtful commentary on the crossroads humanity finds itself at.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">If you thought I was being serious in the last paragraph, you need a .45 caliber reality check.<span style=""> </span>“The Misadventures of the Cyberpunk Norse Gods in <st1:place st="on"><st1:placename st="on">Monotonous</st1:PlaceName> <st1:placename st="on">Combat</st1:PlaceName> <st1:placetype st="on">Land</st1:PlaceType></st1:place>” would be a far more apt title.<span style=""> </span>You play as the futuristic super soldier version of the Norse god Baldur whom everyone has the hots for despite the fact that he’s one fugly bastard.<span style=""> </span>Seriously, the dude’s bald and has glowing blue scars all over his face.<span style=""> </span>Back to the matter at hand, he’s on a quest to<span style=""> </span>. . . uh, kick ass.<span style=""> </span>There’s supposed to be some backstory about Baldur’s murdered wife, Loki being a total dick, and a plot to destroy the world.<span style=""> </span>I wasn’t really paying attention, and you’d have to pay me to give a rat’s ass about some typical soap opera story with cyberpunk embellishments.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Playing the actual game, I quickly realized that the only thing special about this game is its control scheme.<span style=""> </span>The gameplay itself is the usual run-and-gun (or cut) action that’s been passed down from generation to generation and involves hacking away at “grunts” that all seem to have more life than you.<span style=""> </span>I couldn’t tell because the damn game never showed me how much life the regular baddies have.<span style=""> </span>This process might have been sped up if you either didn’t always knock them down or you could hit enemies while they’re on the ground, but neither of these things happens!<span style=""> </span>Sure, this also means that they can’t cheap shot you while you’re down, but making that a one-way street with you being invincible while in agony after having your stomach slashed open would have easily solved the problem.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Before I get ahead of myself, I should say that your attacks in <i style="">Too Human</i> are controlled by the analog sticks (mostly the left one) instead of the buttons.<span style=""> </span>At first glance, this would seem to spare your fingers from certain repetitive motions (and perhaps spare them for other repetitive motions unrelated to the game), but in reality, losing the precise movement and camera control functions of the two analog sticks deals a severe blow to the overall combat experience.<span style=""> </span>For instance, you can’t just sit in one place and whack away at the oncoming hordes because the imprecise analog stick controls will easily let the baddies surround you and ravage you with their beastly appendages.<span style=""> </span>Instead the instruction manual encourages “sliding”, which is where you target enemies far away from yourself after every attack in order to dash toward them and prevent a ganking situation.<span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span>This, combined with the fact that you can’t hit the often downed enemies, makes combat a monotonous nightmare.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">“What about the guns?” you might ask.<span style=""> </span>Well, they fare even worse.<span style=""> </span>Targeting is done using the left analog stick, which works just fine against single enemies, but when you’re faced with a cluster of targets, you’re fucked as the game’s targeting system goes berserk and there’s no alternate way to change your target.<span style=""> </span>Oh, and don’t bother telling me to kite them.<span style=""> </span>For those of you who don’t know, kiting is the tactic where you keep running away from an enemy and using ranged attacks to cut them down without fear of retaliation.<span style=""> </span>Unfortunately, Baldur is one slow son of a bitch, so just about everything can hunt you down and kick your ass if you try to run.<span style=""> </span>It’s like watching one of those bear mauling videos (or am I the only one who does that?), ‘cept you’re the one getting mauled.<span style=""> </span>Anyway, the only things slower than you are the trolls and your own allies, and as much as you might want to, you can’t shoot your unwanted help.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Speaking of your allies, these guys are worthless.<span style=""> </span>They can’t even distract the enemy long enough for you to catch a breather.<span style=""> </span>When they are around, they each get the attention of 2-3 enemies tops.<span style=""> </span>This may seem like a lot, but considering that you go up against waves of 20-30 baddies at once, you’ll be doing almost all of the work.<span style=""> </span>To top it off, they have difficulty following you from platform to platform, so you’re usually on your own anyway.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">While <i style="">Too Human</i> definitely won’t be getting any real praise out of me, it isn’t an unredeemable pile of doggie doo doo either. While usually plodding and horrendously dull, there are times when you get into a groove and really start kicking ass.<span style=""> </span>It isn’t Nirvana or anything, but it’s a good sort of mind-numbingness.<span style=""> </span>That aside, <i style="">Too Human</i> is average in almost every respect.<span style=""> </span>The novelty of its control scheme and setting might appeal to you, but little else will.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Rating: 2/5</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-90445012990746809172008-08-23T22:43:00.001-07:002010-02-19T16:38:03.616-08:00Youtube and I: Go For the Gold at the Beijing Olympics!Warning: Contains spoilers for a certain show and a certain book.<br /><br /><a href="http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=13391171">AWESOME leeroy jenkins remix!!</a><br /><a style="left: 0px ! important; top: 0px ! important;" title="Click here to block this object with Adblock Plus" class="abp-objtab-011969718539213459 visible ontop" href="http://mediaservices.myspace.com/services/media/embed.aspx/m=13391171,t=1,mt=video"></a><object height="360" width="425"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="movie" value="http://mediaservices.myspace.com/services/media/embed.aspx/m=13391171,t=1,mt=video"><embed src="http://mediaservices.myspace.com/services/media/embed.aspx/m=13391171,t=1,mt=video" allowfullscreen="true" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" height="360" width="425"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-26179123101164384332008-08-22T11:43:00.000-07:002008-08-22T11:46:00.693-07:00Infernal Images: Ball o' Cats<a href="http://s74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Caturday/?action=view&current=1196635979124.jpg" target="_blank"><a href="http://s74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/?action=view&current=1196635979124.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/1196635979124.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" /></a><br /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-78894913730283195302008-08-21T22:29:00.000-07:002008-08-21T22:55:42.127-07:00Youtube and I: Arby 'n' the ChiefEpisode 1:<br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/kb8rdc-0OpQ&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/kb8rdc-0OpQ&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-55585593586025834502008-08-20T23:21:00.000-07:002008-08-20T23:24:40.167-07:00Infernal Images: XXX-RayHot damn, I want one of these.<br /><a href="http://s74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/?action=view&current=x3ray.gif" target="_blank"><img src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/x3ray.gif" alt="Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /><br />PS: I just realized I've been spelling "weird" wrong this entire time. Yeah . . . I'll get on that.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-62305023098971926512008-08-19T19:32:00.000-07:002008-08-19T19:39:57.831-07:00Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zur Macht Review<p class="MsoNormal">Platform: PS2</p><br /><a href="http://s74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/?action=view&current=xenosagablog.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/xenosagablog.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" /></a><p class="MsoNormal">I'm aware that this picture's from Xenosaga 3, but what makes you think this series will survive past the first review?<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>Normally, I would do some research to make sure my facts match up before I do a review.<span style=""> </span>However, that wouldn’t do the sheer absurdity of Xenosaga’s plot any justice.<span style=""> </span>Thus, everything I say is going to be from memory.<span style=""> </span>Sound like fun?<span style=""> </span>No?<span style=""> </span>Too bad, let’s go.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>Right off the bat, you’re “treated” to a cutscene of an archeologist finding a huuuuuuuuge stone tablet.<span style=""> </span>“Treated” is in quotes because the movie clocks in at ten minutes, or at least it felt that long.<span style=""> </span>Anyway, once that’s over, it cuts to the distant future where you’re introduced to the heroine of this story, Shion.<span style=""> </span>She’s a sexy scientist, glasses girl, usually clueless, blah, blah, blah.<span style=""> </span>Nothing special aside from the fact that her weapon is a <b style="">gigantic taser claw</b>.<span style=""> </span>Oh, did I mention that she made a killer android called KOS-MOS that wields weapons completely practical for futuristic combat such as swords and scythes in addition to gatling guns and a gigantic chest laser.<span style=""> </span>Nope, nothing unusual at all.<span style=""> </span>Otherwise, the cast isn’t anything special aside from some kid who thinks he’s Vash the Stampede, who appears later.<span style=""> </span>Regardless, on the same ship Shion’s on is an “emulator” of the big-ass stone tablet from the opening movie.<span style=""> </span>Unfortunately, the emulator attracts space whale salt monsters called Gnosis, who are impervious to just about everything . . . everything except KOS-MOS, of course.<span style=""> </span>Before you can get to killing, however, you have to navigate Shion around the various parts of the ship while avoiding the Gnosis, who are brutally disemboweling your cute, anime-faced fellow soldiers.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>Soon enough, you rally a posse including KOS-MOS and a psychotic officer who’s a robo-racist or something in his spare time.<span style=""> </span>You don’t have to deal with him long, though.<span style=""> </span>Just as you reach the escape pods, he picks a fight with a Gnosis and does this by jumping around like a moron while going full-auto with his assault rifle.<span style=""> </span>Unfortunately for him, his tomfoolery interferes with KOS-MOS’ aim and prompts her to shoot <b style="">through</b> him to hit the Gnosis.<span style=""> </span>Thus, for his newbish behavior, he gets perma-banned from the server of life.<span style=""> </span>This is only the first in a long line of lessons as to why you shouldn’t fuck with androids.<span style=""> </span>I’ll stop relating the plot here because, frankly, I don’t know what the hell happened after that.<span style=""> </span>Words went into my ears, but none of it made sense.<span style=""> </span>Entire cutscenes were dedicated to people talking about stuff like the “Hilbert Effect”, the “Song of Nephilim”, the “Zohar”, and so on and so forth.<span style=""> </span>At this point, I really didn’t give a flying fuck.<span style=""> </span>Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease just let me kill something!</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span>While my wish was granted, combat was a whole ‘nother beast.<span style=""> </span>Sure, it seems like simple turn-based fighting at first, but once you try to attack, you have shit like button combos, combo strings, robots, ether, and items.<span style=""> </span>Hold on, items?<span style=""> </span>Yes, even using items is an arduous ordeal.<span style=""> </span>Xenosaga is the very image of the <em><span style="font-style: normal;">bureaucratic process.<span style=""> </span>Pressing a button as simple and self-explanatory as “attack” unleashes a torrent of sub-menus, each of which unleashes another deluge of options.<span style=""> </span>Jesus Christ, all I want to do is shank some space whales.<span style=""> </span>Is that too much to ask for?<span style=""> </span>Oh, and don’t even ask about the pause menu, I had an easier time learning multi-variable calculus than I had trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do in it.<o:p></o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style=""> </span>Xenosaga can be compared to the Hydra of ancient Greek mythology.<span style=""> </span>Once you cut off the head of unbearable cutscenes, two more appear: convoluted menus and slow-ass combat.<span style=""> </span>If you somehow manage to ignore those, you notice the next layer of problems and things keep escalating until you finally throw your controller through a window, rip the disk out of the PS2, and devour it in hopes that the pain of disk shards mutilating your throat will serve as penance for your crimes against all that is holy.<span style=""> </span>Speaking of which, did I mention that KOS-MOS is the vessel for the spirit of Mary Magdalene?<span style=""> </span>That’s right, I just spoiled the shit out of the remaining games.<span style=""> </span>“But wait, One Sin, aren’t you going to review those eventually?” <o:p></o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;">Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha <b>no</b>.<o:p></o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style=""> </span>Besides, that doesn’t even make any sense (I’m being perfectly serious, though).<span style=""> </span>It’s like you need a wiki to figure all this out.<span style=""> </span>Which reminds me, did you know that Xenosaga has its own wiki?<span style=""> </span>“Big deal,” I bet you’re thinking.<span style=""> </span>Sure, everything from Code Geass to Devil May Cry to Rosie O’Donnell has its own wiki, but Xenosaga actually needs one.<span style=""> </span>Maybe you could read it to find out why Mary Magdalene is pumping space whales full of lead and has a black hole in her chest . . .<o:p></o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;">If you have a lot of spare time . . .<o:p></o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;">And have no life . . .<o:p></o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;">Or you actually like this shit . . .<o:p></o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;">Loser.<o:p></o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span style="font-style: normal;">Rating: 1/5</span></em><span style=""><o:p></o:p></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-60363984809009924352008-08-18T22:30:00.000-07:002008-08-18T23:49:08.555-07:00Youtube and I: Bump of ChickenThe name's really stupid, but damn, this shit is sad.<br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/h2mH7wFiaKo&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/h2mH7wFiaKo&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-32149083648003329302008-08-16T02:11:00.000-07:002008-08-20T23:25:33.774-07:00Infernal Images: The Elevator DanceGo, V.V., go!<br /><a href="http://s74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/?action=view&current=3vl4.gif" target="_blank"><img src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/3vl4.gif" alt="Photobucket" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-11966720770920997832008-08-14T23:45:00.000-07:002008-08-14T23:46:28.246-07:00Youtube and I: The "Don't Tase Me, Bro!" Song<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/xfAeR3yaA_U&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/xfAeR3yaA_U&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-75116779112771864242008-08-13T23:58:00.000-07:002008-08-20T23:25:46.718-07:00Infernal Images: Zero?!<a href="http://s74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/?action=view&current=nonzero.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/nonzero.jpg" alt="Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br />Damn you, otaku scum! I'll never forgive- Wait, what?! This is official?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-78105891178292886332008-08-11T22:13:00.000-07:002008-08-11T22:51:05.856-07:00Youtube and I: DJ AnonymousHe's got more <a href="http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=2commic">here</a>, but I picked some of the better ones to show you here.<br /><br />JAY-Z VS eufonius:<br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/fSKmQjC8mRk&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/fSKmQjC8mRk&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Ciara VS Mikuru:<br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/R4ifOkAvOqg&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/R4ifOkAvOqg&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Pharrell VS Round Table:<br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/KmhFQ2VcpYI&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/KmhFQ2VcpYI&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-65923077618824620172008-08-08T00:03:00.000-07:002008-08-20T23:26:00.729-07:00Infernal Images: Chili Where it Doesn't Belong<a href="http://s74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/?action=view&current=1216960003883.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/1216960003883.jpg" alt="Photobucket" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-91737637824992770752008-08-06T21:02:00.000-07:002008-08-06T23:15:56.245-07:00Youtube and I: Obama vs McCain . . . Soul Calibur IV Style<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Bt7YCnCYtmg&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Bt7YCnCYtmg&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-711500280543970142008-08-05T15:29:00.000-07:002008-08-07T09:49:32.478-07:00Shenmue II Review<p class="MsoNormal">Platform: Xbox, Dreamcast (Review based on Xbox version.<span style=""> </span>The DC one isn’t available here, anyway.)</p> <a href="http://s74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/?action=view&current=_N_20019.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/_N_20019.jpg" alt="Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><p class="MsoNormal">It’s rare for a game to create a new genre.<span style=""> </span>In fact, such is the cause for great celebration and the precursor to a millennium of peace and prosperity.<span style=""> </span>Does Shenmue II do this?<span style=""> </span>Hell no, but it certainly thinks it does.<span style=""> </span>Director Yu Suzuki called the original Shenmue a “FREE" (Full Reactive Eyes Entertainment) game, whatever that means.<span style=""> </span>In actuality, it’s just an adventure game with a fancy title.<span style=""> </span>Well, let’s get this shitfest on the road.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">You play as Ryo Hazuki, who is some punk kid out for revenge on the guy who whacked his dad.<span style=""> </span>Alright, that’s sorta cliché, but I can live with it.<span style=""> </span>Apparently, you’ve followed the killer’s trail to <st1:place st="on">Hong Kong</st1:place> and the game starts with you getting off a boat and looking around the harbor.<span style=""> </span>Okay, it’s time to get moving.<span style=""> </span>I pressed the analog stick forward, and much to my surprise, instead of moving Ryo forward, this slammed the camera face first into the ground.<span style=""> </span>Fine, then, directional pad it is.<span style=""> </span>Oh, wait.<span style=""> </span>The game still controls like <b style="">ass</b>.<span style=""> </span>Crawling forward inch by inch, I triggered the game’s first cutscene.<span style=""> </span>At first, it looked alright.<span style=""> </span>It was about some old dude playing a mandolin.<span style=""> </span>The problem came when said old dude opened his mouth.<span style=""> </span>The “English” that came forth wasn’t quite engrish, but was so uninspired and awkward that I thought I had the language setting on “retard”.<span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Alright, fuck this,” I said before pressing “start”.<span style=""> </span>I was hoping for the main menu, but what I got instead was the control scheme.<span style=""> </span>Umm . . . thanks?<span style=""> </span>I kinda thought that’s what the manual was for.<span style=""> </span>Regardless, once I got to the settings menu, I found that the outlook was still bleak.<span style=""> </span>Under “language”, I was faced with a wide variety of options ranging from “game mode” to “cinema mode” to “Shenmue mode” to “ragtime theater mode” to “Initial D fucking remix mode”.<span style=""> </span>Those names aren’t very descriptive, are they (well, except for the last two)?<span style=""> </span>The description box next to each one didn’t help either.<span style=""> </span>For instance, next to the “Shenmue mode” option is a blurb of text that says “Play the game in Shenmue mode”.<span style=""> </span>No way.<span style=""> </span>No fucking way.<span style=""> </span>And here I thought that’d change the language to <b style="">Mandarin Chinese</b>.<span style=""> </span>The worst part is that there’s no god damn difference between any of them!<span style=""> </span>All I found was that the Shenmue mode just removes the subtitles while keeping the broken English.<span style=""> </span>“Big deal,” I bet you’re thinking, “It’s just one voice actor.<span style=""> </span>Not every game can be Oblivion.”<span style=""> </span>Unfortunately, every voice is equally shitty!<span style=""> </span>They certainly have variety down, but that’s like having sixty types of steaming shit to pick from as the sauce for your rice.<span style=""> </span>No thanks, I’ll just play with the TV muted.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Maybe the alternate control schemes offer a silver lining?<span style=""> </span>No dice. The only other option makes the default movement running, but I quickly found that the slightest touch sent me flying into a corner or into a pedestrian, at which point I <b style="">ricocheted</b> off them.<span style=""> </span>Mournfully switching back to the normal controls, I prepared my hands for an agonizing ordeal.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Back to the game itself, it essentially amounts to a glorified version of hide and seek.<span style=""> </span>You’re always looking for someone and when you find them, they tell you to find someone else . . . for 10+ hours.<span style=""> </span>It isn’t as bad as I just made it sound, but wandering around the winding streets talking to NPC’s in hopes that one actually knows where you need to go gets old quickly.<span style=""> </span>Every now and then, the game decides to spice things up by making you work a dayjob airing out books or lifting boxes.<span style=""> </span>If you’re the daring type, you can also arm wrestle with sweaty Mexican dock workers.<span style=""> </span>No, seriously.<span style=""> </span>When things get serious, though, Shenmue II has two more tricks up its sleeve.<span style=""> </span>The first of these is the QTE, or quick-time event.<span style=""> </span>These are sequences in which random button inputs flash on the screen and you have to react without a single mistake.<span style=""> </span>Hell, there were times when I got penalized even when I did press the right commands.<span style=""> </span>The worst part is that while you can sometimes repeat the QTE immediately, there are times when you get sent waaaaaaaay back to repeat some stupid cutscene (which are unskippable, by the way) or perhaps even forced to continue the day after failing, wasting precious time.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Other times, you get fighting game sequences where you beat the crap out of random thugs.<span style=""> </span>Before I go on, it’s important to note that the team that made Shenmue II, Sega-AM2, is the same group that made Virtua Fighter.<span style=""> </span>Riddle me this, then: why does the combat in Shenmue suck huge, sweaty ox balls?<span style=""> </span>Almost every fight involves getting ganked by 3 or more gangsters unless you spam the a and b buttons like a madman.<span style=""> </span>The directional pad is unresponsive and makes precise inputs impossible, Ryo often ends up facing the wrong way after a combo, and enemies regain health when they hit you.<span style=""> </span>To top it off, near the endgame, you have to hunt down and fight three pros.<span style=""> </span>Unfortunately, it’s impossible!<span style=""> </span>Hell, this is one of the few times where I actually quit a game in frustration.<span style=""> </span>First of all, you have to pay a thousand bucks to fight the first one in a game where you’re lucky to have more than 100.<span style=""> </span>Secondly, he fucking thrashes you no matter what you do.<span style=""> </span>When you actually circle around his attacks, either Ryo’s facing the wrong way or the d-pad fails to register your move at which point he turns right back around and whoops your sorry ass.<span style=""> </span>The part that pissed me off the most was his victory pose.<span style=""> </span>He takes a bodybuilder’s stance and the camera zooms into his face, which makes him look like he’s got some mad constipation.<span style=""> </span>I can only see that god damn face so many times before I start hurling the controller.<span style=""> </span>In fact, I’d say this is the first game in which the controller ever left my hand for any reason other than turning off the system.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Despite all this, Shenmue II has a tiny sparkle of charm with its massive environments and plentiful mini games.<span style=""> </span>Unfortunately, there are no true side quests, leaving the game extremely linear despite its vast territory. <span style=""> </span>As a result, you’ll often find yourself lost with nary an optional path.<span style=""> </span>Even then, I would have been a bit more forgiving if it weren’t for the absolutely abominable voice acting and controls.<span style=""> </span>Hell, I would have at least finished the damn game if they had just made the control stick the default means of movement.<span style=""> </span>Sega had a diamond with this game, but instead of polishing it, they shat on it before throwing it into the sewer.<span style=""> </span>What a fucking waste.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Overall: 2/5</p><br />PS: Sorry for the formatting inconsistencies. Blogger just seems to hate me.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-65497861002197960142008-08-01T00:16:00.000-07:002008-08-01T00:17:12.506-07:00Youtube and I: Lucky Star OP at 1/2 SpeedIt has a demonic feel to it.<br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/QIZGIenA7WY&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/QIZGIenA7WY&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-7994336623085138792008-07-29T22:32:00.000-07:002008-08-20T23:26:11.877-07:00Infernal Images: Skooma . . . BUT I NEED IT!<a href="http://s74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/?action=view&current=1196143592401.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/1196143592401.jpg" alt="Photobucket" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-77155024475616904422008-07-28T23:36:00.001-07:002008-07-28T23:36:36.606-07:00Youtube and I: Reverse RickrollFuck you, Paltir! I still think it's funny.<br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/aD4bn5pp32w&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/aD4bn5pp32w&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-20857124063169880922008-07-27T13:37:00.000-07:002008-07-27T14:23:45.034-07:00Burnout 3: Takedown ReviewPlatform: PS2, Xbox, and Xbox 360 (Review based on PS2 version)<br /><br /><a href="http://s74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/?action=view&current=1082971651_6a978ebf33_b.jpg" target="_blank"><img style="width: 636px; height: 416px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i243/Solmanni/Blog/1082971651_6a978ebf33_b.jpg" alt="Photobucket" border="0" /></a><br /> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p></o:p> There are racing games like Gran Turismo and there are demolition derbies like Twisted Metal.<span style=""> </span>What happens when you combine those two?<span style=""> </span>You get Burnout.<span style=""> </span>This game is all about speed and what you use that speed to annihilate.<span style=""> </span>Hell, it’s even more about speed than Need for Speed, which is actually somewhat slow.<span style=""> </span>Regardless, perhaps I should get onto the plot.<span style=""> </span>Oh, wait.<span style=""> </span>There is no plot.<span style=""> </span>This is a fucking racing game.<span style=""> </span>Here’s your plot: vroom vroom, start your bloody engine.<span style=""> </span>It may seem like I’m ragging on Burnout for this, but I’m not.<span style=""> </span>There are fewer things I hate more in games than an inappropriately-placed story.<span style=""> </span>I’ve never cared for all the “racing for street cred” or “racing to pay off your mafia debt” plotlines that seem to be all the rage lately, and I doubt I ever will.<span style=""> </span>Luckily, you don’t have to deal with any of that in this game.<br /><o:p></o:p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Burnout 3’s gameplay comes down to two important modes: racing and crashing.<span style=""> </span>The racing mode, for the most part, also involves crashing.<span style=""> </span>I know what you’re thinking.<span style=""> </span>“Wow, that’s a lot of smashing.<span style=""> </span>I guess racing must not be that important”.<span style=""> </span>In most cases, you’d be right.<span style=""> </span>A lot of the stage goals revolve around demolishing a certain number of opponents or avoiding being smashed, but one particular mode actually requires you to pass the finish line first.<span style=""> </span>This is where Burnout’s worst flaws appear.<span style=""> </span>I find it quite ironic that a racing game’s worst characteristic is its racing.<span style=""> </span>The tracks appear to be designed for maximizing the carnage that occurs during races, but they aren’t exactly conducive to the racing itself.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p>Before I go on, I should mention that Burnout places a lot of emphasis on boosting.<span style=""> </span>You have a boost gauge that charges whenever you drive towards oncoming traffic, drift, or do anything else that would normally get you hunted-down, dragged out of your car, and tased by the cops.<span style=""> </span>Unfortunately, whenever you boost, the edges of your screen become rather blurry and fuck up your line of sight.<span style=""> </span>In the crash modes, this isn’t much of a problem.<span style=""> </span>However, when your goal is to cross the god damn finish line, you’re in for a world of hurt.<span style=""> </span>“Alright, so just win the old fashioned way, right?”<span style=""> </span>Wrong.<span style=""> </span>You may start spazzing out when the action gets hard to see, but the computer won’t.<span style=""> </span>Either you’ll get left behind to enjoy the scenery, the rubber band AI will finish you off, or a tiny pixel of your car will clip a passing bus and send you flying for an eternity in slow motion while your opponents fly by.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p>Alright, so fuck the racing, how about the crash mode?<span style=""> </span>Now this is where the fun is.<span style=""> </span>The basic idea here is to get your car to top speed before flying into the middle of a crowded intersection and creating pandemonium.<span style=""> </span>Things get even better once your car explodes.<span style=""> </span>If this concept stopped here and remained a test of chaining as many crashes together as possible, it would have been perfect.<span style=""> </span>However, they throw in all sorts of multipliers that could easily make up for neglecting the carnage at hand.<span style=""> </span>In fact, some stages can’t be cleared without the help of these bonuses.<span style=""> </span>This defeats the purpose of the damn mode!<span style=""> </span>The goal should be annihilation, not collecting trinkets.<span style=""> </span>This is all still fun, mind you, but what the hell?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p>Burnout 3 is certainly worth a shot, but it lacks a strong foundation.<span style=""> </span>A racing game that’s inept at racing can only accomplish so much.<span style=""> </span>It definitely has style considering its dynamic soundtrack and slow-mo crashes, but the numerous holes found in its substance detract heavily from the experience.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>Rating: 3/5</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-55589823911863504832008-07-24T19:32:00.000-07:002008-07-24T20:18:36.150-07:00Malachi: Dark Knight ReviewI have seen a lot of movies this year. Dark Knight is the best one yet. It is as dark as Batman should be, it tells a great, full story. Returning actors Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, and Morgan Freeman bring a comfortable feel for those who have seen the first movie. While new members to the cast Heath Ledger and Aaron Eckhart bring something to the movie that completes it and makes it whole. Sadly Katie Holmes did not sign on for a second movie (probably because she is to busy worshiping Xenu)and was replaced by Maggie Gyllenhaal, who did not do as good of a job as I would have hoped.<br /><br />The story is good, it tells a batman story the way the mid-late batman comics were. Dark, sad, and much more political. The movie is in no way an action movie. Yes there is some action but that is not the focus, the story and character development is the main focus. It takes place around the time when Batman is deciding what kind of hero he wants to be. <br /><br />Now let me get to the point. Heath Ledger. He is amazing. The best joker there has been, or ever will be. It is literally worth seeing this movie just to watch such an amazing performance. He captures the heart and insanity of the joker perfectly, kicks Jack Nicholson's ass, and makes you even sympathize with the villain, even though he has nothing to sympathize about. <br /><br />I have not written a review in a while so this one is not very good. But i would like to suggest that you all see this movie. If not for your love of Batman, bit at least to see some of the greatest acting done in a long time. 6/5 for Heath Ledger. 4/5 for Dark Knight.<br /><br />Also check out my podcast. <br /><a href="http://barbarianneedsfood.wordpress.com/"></a><br /><br />MALACHI OUT!Malachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13522026029769568116noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-20552708772842189662008-07-24T09:00:00.000-07:002008-07-24T09:00:02.397-07:00MTRL: Real lifeA bit of 'learn from real life situations here', this time for the ladies.<br /><br />So I've called/text this girl I've been seeing about 3 times today. She was supposed to be out at seven, and she ain't got back to me. I know talking too much can be annoying, but I ask things like how was work and call me so we can talk. I'm not being paranoid here, asking where she is every ten minutes. She's out with her friends on a 'girls night' so I'm told, and I haven't sent her a message in a while.<br /><br />Lesson to be learned from all this. Please get back to us. We don't want to turn into the crazy control freak, but we do when you disappear, especially when we have important things to talk about. Give us a hi now and again, we appreciate it.Paltirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09179361305135313302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2749403729727500135.post-132680591170634292008-07-23T14:57:00.000-07:002008-07-23T15:15:46.611-07:00Paltir: Fuck you 1800flowers!Ok, I know it's a bit different from my normal postings, but I have a bone to pick, and wish to share with you all the fucking hell I'm about to go through, all for under 100 bucks.<br /><br />So back in may, I was thinking of mothers day, like most of us. I wanted to order flowers, since I couldn't make it home for the day, cause I was too far away, and had work. Seen commercials for 1800Flowers, seemed like a decent site. Now flowers were a bit expensive, but with mothers day and shit, I figured it's ok, flowers are always overpriced. Specific arrangement and such ain't important, came to about 60 bucks with shipping. Due to a misunderstanding with someone putting my name on a gift, I got a thank you, and didn't realize the flowers never came, so now I'm working on that. That's not all.<br /><br />Just this morning I check my account, like I do almost daily, and notice It's over drawn. Odd, cause I ain't bought anything for at least 4 days. I check, and there's a 11.99 charge from TRG*Livwel, and I only had ten bucks. That's weird, since I've never heard of them, or seen anything like that before. I check, and noticed I received a charge from them last month. Mind you this was during the time when I was moving, so I had way to many purchases to notice some 12 dollar charge. Do some digging, and come to find out, I'm in the same position as a lot of people! Apparently 1800Flowers likes to sign people up with this Live well company that offerers discounts and rewards to their members, without letting people know! I check for an email, of course I got one, the only issue is that it looks like every other spam email I get so I must have disregarded it. I ring them up, get put on hold for a while, and I decide to fuck that! I'm not waiting on hold with some shitty company that stole my money! I get pissed, and fire off some emails asking for my god damn money back, and to cancel my membership.<br /><br />Now I call up my bank and explain this shit to them. For 20 minutes we work on this. End up canceling my debit card, and now I don't have one for the next... 5-7 days, and won't have a pin for a few more after that. Now I have to fill out a fraud package, get it fucking notarized, and then fax it back to them. Means I gotta find a printer, find a notary, and finally find a way to fax it back. So then I have to call the police, since the bank requires me to report it. Call up, and they take my info, and now I'm waiting for some rookie (I would make the rookie do this crap), to call me back so I can spend another twenty minutes working on a police/fraud report. <br /><br />I will update in a few days when I get it all worked out. Needless to say, fuck this shit. I'm so reporting 1800Flowers to the Department of commerce of whatever for being giant douche bags and doing this shit. I'd like to hear your stories of this kinda crap in the comments. Fuck shady internet businesses like that!Paltirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09179361305135313302noreply@blogger.com0