Let's Loathe with LEVIATHAN: Takin' off the Rose-Colored Glasses

Yeah, I've been seeing life as joyous and happy lately. Then One_sin came and took off those epic John Lennon glasses I was wearing everywhere.

So I'm going to the beach tomorrow with one of my closest friends. It's my first time going on a vacation without my parents. It'll be the longest I've been away from any of my family. ... The last time I took a vacation from all 5 of my family members, I went on a school field trip in fifth grade and cried like a little girl cuz I had no friends. Last time I took a vacation from my mother, my little sister cried like a little girl cuz she couldn't handle sleep-away camp.

Anyway, after losing a big argument about how a $10 XL t-shirt will do the same thing as a $30+ dollar cover up that I'll never wear again, my mom went to target today. She came into my room, and I was in the middle of sculpting a clam (that I'm now in the process of painting; I'm really into clay modeling right now...), and she told me that what she bought for me is down stairs on the kitchen counter.

Well there were three bags. I'm like, "Oh shit..." because whenever my mom goes shopping, she buys too much. So I haul the bags upstairs, glad she at least went to Target since their bags can be ironed and used for all sorts of crap (use a face mask, though), and I dump it all out on my bed. Recall that she went for one cover up. What I found was
-A spanking new purse/beach bag. I carry a "purse" when I don't have pockets, but mine looks more like a black gym bag, not something that the prom queen would carry.
-TWO absolutely hideous cover ups. One is solid light grey, and buttons all the way up. The other doesn't button but has a scrunching tie around the middle, and has light grey and dark grey horizontal stripes.
-YET ANOTHER pair of flip flops. I alternate between two pairs usually, but I will admit, for white and baby blue Croc imitation flip flops, they're REALLY comfy...
-Six pairs of rainbow underwear. Yeah. Some were stripped, others literally had patterns of the little arcs all over them. One even had a smiling, ironed on cloud. Like a lakitu cloud with drag makeup. I WEAR BOXERS, MOM.
-A simple pair of polarized sunglasses. I'm cool with these.
-A VISOR. Which is great if you're in the process of or on your way to/from playing tennis, or if you're in your fifties and up, or if you're Hispanic and wear it sideways and upside down. I fit none of these.

So now my mom's going to throw a fit telling me I don't respect her enough and that I can't dress myself and I should be wearing this girly crap that shows off my fat, rides up my arm pits and makes sweat marks, or shows off my fat, sagging ass.
Which means I will have to waste all that room in my very limited bag.

THANKS MOM, SEE IF I EVER GET YOU IMPORTED FLOWERS FROM BRAZIL AGAIN. YOU LOVE THEM MORE THAN YOU LOVE ME!!