Too Human Review

Platform: Xbox 360

Too Human is the story of mankind’s struggle to maintain its identity in a world where the cruel, unforgiving, endless winter and the constant threat of death drive many to abandon their humanity in favor of cybernetic enhancements to the point where they become more machine than man. It represents the ever-present dilemma humankind faces as technology becomes progressively more involved in every facet of our existence in the guise of a simple video game, and provides a deep and thoughtful commentary on the crossroads humanity finds itself at.

If you thought I was being serious in the last paragraph, you need a .45 caliber reality check. “The Misadventures of the Cyberpunk Norse Gods in Monotonous Combat Land” would be a far more apt title. You play as the futuristic super soldier version of the Norse god Baldur whom everyone has the hots for despite the fact that he’s one fugly bastard. Seriously, the dude’s bald and has glowing blue scars all over his face. Back to the matter at hand, he’s on a quest to . . . uh, kick ass. There’s supposed to be some backstory about Baldur’s murdered wife, Loki being a total dick, and a plot to destroy the world. I wasn’t really paying attention, and you’d have to pay me to give a rat’s ass about some typical soap opera story with cyberpunk embellishments.

Playing the actual game, I quickly realized that the only thing special about this game is its control scheme. The gameplay itself is the usual run-and-gun (or cut) action that’s been passed down from generation to generation and involves hacking away at “grunts” that all seem to have more life than you. I couldn’t tell because the damn game never showed me how much life the regular baddies have. This process might have been sped up if you either didn’t always knock them down or you could hit enemies while they’re on the ground, but neither of these things happens! Sure, this also means that they can’t cheap shot you while you’re down, but making that a one-way street with you being invincible while in agony after having your stomach slashed open would have easily solved the problem.

Before I get ahead of myself, I should say that your attacks in Too Human are controlled by the analog sticks (mostly the left one) instead of the buttons. At first glance, this would seem to spare your fingers from certain repetitive motions (and perhaps spare them for other repetitive motions unrelated to the game), but in reality, losing the precise movement and camera control functions of the two analog sticks deals a severe blow to the overall combat experience. For instance, you can’t just sit in one place and whack away at the oncoming hordes because the imprecise analog stick controls will easily let the baddies surround you and ravage you with their beastly appendages. Instead the instruction manual encourages “sliding”, which is where you target enemies far away from yourself after every attack in order to dash toward them and prevent a ganking situation. This, combined with the fact that you can’t hit the often downed enemies, makes combat a monotonous nightmare.

“What about the guns?” you might ask. Well, they fare even worse. Targeting is done using the left analog stick, which works just fine against single enemies, but when you’re faced with a cluster of targets, you’re fucked as the game’s targeting system goes berserk and there’s no alternate way to change your target. Oh, and don’t bother telling me to kite them. For those of you who don’t know, kiting is the tactic where you keep running away from an enemy and using ranged attacks to cut them down without fear of retaliation. Unfortunately, Baldur is one slow son of a bitch, so just about everything can hunt you down and kick your ass if you try to run. It’s like watching one of those bear mauling videos (or am I the only one who does that?), ‘cept you’re the one getting mauled. Anyway, the only things slower than you are the trolls and your own allies, and as much as you might want to, you can’t shoot your unwanted help.

Speaking of your allies, these guys are worthless. They can’t even distract the enemy long enough for you to catch a breather. When they are around, they each get the attention of 2-3 enemies tops. This may seem like a lot, but considering that you go up against waves of 20-30 baddies at once, you’ll be doing almost all of the work. To top it off, they have difficulty following you from platform to platform, so you’re usually on your own anyway.

While Too Human definitely won’t be getting any real praise out of me, it isn’t an unredeemable pile of doggie doo doo either. While usually plodding and horrendously dull, there are times when you get into a groove and really start kicking ass. It isn’t Nirvana or anything, but it’s a good sort of mind-numbingness. That aside, Too Human is average in almost every respect. The novelty of its control scheme and setting might appeal to you, but little else will.

Rating: 2/5